


Lost Love: A Story Told Backwards

by Spike_1790



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Character Death, Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-04
Updated: 2012-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-11 22:48:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spike_1790/pseuds/Spike_1790
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A love story told backwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Xander’s death had hit William hard. No one could have seen it coming. One moment he was laughing with his friends on the sidewalk, and the next he was under the wheels of a car.

 

Anne had tried to be there for her son, but he seemed so lost. He had barely eaten since the accident and his emotional pain was palpable. He and Xander had been best friends from the day William and Anne had moved to Sunnydale from London.

 

She put the DVD in the machine and waited for the film to start. William sat on the other end of the couch, staring at the screen as if it was the most important thing in the world. In reality, he couldn’t take in anything that was happening.

 

He had seen this film before. He had gone with Xander to see it at the cinema. Together. The memory caused more tears to well up and spill down his face.

 

Anne sighed. She had her suspicions, but maybe she was wrong. She paused the film; then she turned to face her son.

 

“William?” she asked softly, “Were you and Xander more than friends?”

 

His heart wrenching sobs were answer enough.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander’s accident.

Xander had met up with Willow and Jesse for lunch. Today was the day. He was finally going to tell his friends about his relationship with William. He could still feel the warmth of William’s embrace. Of course the blonde had offered to go with him, but Xander had insisted that this was something he had to do alone. At eighteen years old, he had had his own doubts about his sexuality for a while before he had William had become involved, but three years down the line of a secret relationship, he was ready to tell the people he cared about.                                                                     

The three friends ate lunch in a diner near Main Street, mostly discussing television programmes and reminiscing. Xander was waiting for the right time to tell his secret, but by the time they left the diner, the right time hadn’t appeared.

Then Willow made a passing comment about William, and Xander knew. It was time. He smiled. Their little group stopped walking, waiting for Xander to speak or start moving again. So he spoke. He saw the irony- three years of secrecy and now he was coming out in the most public place he could imagine. He cleared his throat.

“Me and William… the thing is…we’re-“

He never got to finish the sentence. A speeding driver lost control of her car and slammed into Xander. His last thought before everything went black was his boyfriend’s name.

Willow screamed obscenities at the driver, calling her every name under the sun, saying what a selfish cow she was for not paying attention to the road. Jesse held Xander as his pulse slowed and finally stopped.

The ambulance rounded the corner only a minute later, but it was still a minute too late. Xander was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander and William's domestic bliss.

William was glad his mother was spending the weekend at her sister’s house. It meant that he had the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with Xander. They were sat at the kitchen table together, hair damp from the shared shower they had indulged in.

 

“I want to tell them. About us, I mean,” Xander murmured, gazing into William’s pretty blue eyes.

 

“Today? Do you want me to come with you?”

 

“Thanks, but this is something I wanna do on my own,” Xander smiled, making William want to take his boyfriend back to bed to spend another few hours exploring his perfect body. “I’m gunna head into town in two minutes, so there’s no point giving me those looks,” Xander admonished the blonde. William pouted.

 

If they hadn’t already made love three times since waking up, he wouldn’t have been nearly as benevolent; he would have gone with Xander anyway. But he was feeling relaxed and knew that there would always be time for some Xander-lovin’ when he got back.

 

They kissed each other, passionately, deeply, before Xander left the house and William went back to bed, waiting for his boyfriend to return.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William and Xander make love

They woke up in each other’s arms. William thought that if he ever had to spend a night apart from Xander again, his heart might break. He gazed into sleepy brown eyes before placing a gentle kiss to Xander’s soft lips.

 

Xander’s hands slipped between the sheets and lightly stroked William’s hardening length. Both men moaned in pleasure. The fingers of his other hand teased between William’s firm ass cheeks and over the twitching hole. That was enough. William shot his load over Xander’s naked chest, gasping with the power of his release.

 

Xander covered William’s smaller body with his own, and slid into the tight ass of his lover. The passage was still slick from the last time they had made love and Xander groaned, taking his time to make sure William enjoyed every second.

 

William clenched around Xander as his second orgasm hit. Xander bit at his boyfriend’s shoulder as the tight muscles milked his climax from him.

 

Sweating, they lay together in post-coital bliss. William’s lips ghosted over Xander’s. He would never get tired of this.

 

“I love you, Xander,” he whispered, not wanting to let go.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William and Xander in bed.

His fingers tore down Xander’s back, raising angry red welts. He was screaming with the pleasure Xander was causing, and trembling with the force of his orgasm. It was the second time they had had sex in an hour, and it wouldn’t be the last. William had told him in explicit detail exactly what he had planned for Xander’s body.

 

It amazed Xander that someone as shy and reserved as William could be such a demon in bed. He was insatiable and his recovery time was nearly non-existent. And he had a cock that would make a porn star weep. Nearly ten inches long, uncut and curved in just the right way to make Xander see stars. Perfect.

 

William didn’t top often, so Xander rarely had a chance to feel that monster slamming inside him, but tonight was a different story. His mouth watered at the thought of what was going to happen. He pulled out of his lover’s tight body, giving himself a few minute to recover before William got started.

 

There was a wicked glint to the blonde’s eyes, and Xander knew that he wouldn’t get much of a rest. But when William disappeared under the sheets and a warm tongue flickered over his hole, Xander couldn’t bring himself to care about resting anymore. The tongue delved inside his tight channel, making Xander curse loudly and William to chuckle, the sound muffled by Xander’s body.

 

Xander’s orgasm slammed into him unexpectedly, and when he felt the final spurts of cum leave his body, he pulled William back up for a quick kiss.  A hard column of flesh pressed against his hip and Xander knew William was already ready for another round. And that was just fine by him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William prepares for a romantic meal.

Soft candlelight bathed the room. William had spent hours cooking and getting everything ready. This was their weekend, and nothing could spoil it, so he had to get this perfect. He poured wine into the two glasses on the table, and idly re-aligned a fork that was slightly out of place. The food was nearly ready and Xander would be there any minute. 

 

Xander knocked on the front door. William smiled at the sight of his lover. They kissed. Tenderly.

 

William led Xander into the house and shut the door behind them. They were together. It was a perfect night.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander thinks about William.

Xander was looking forward to seeing William. He hadn’t seen him for three days, and he missed the blonde man. Had it really been three years since their first kissed? It seemed like only yesterday to Xander.

 

He glanced at the photo next to his bed. It was his favourite shot of William. The blonde was asleep, hair mussed from Xander’s fingers running through it. He looked like an angel when he slept. Xander could watch him all night and not be bored.

 

 _Might do that tonight_ , he thought, grinning. _If William doesn’t tire me out first_ …

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things that Xander hates

One thing Xander hated was being away from home. His parents had dragged him to Oxnard to visit relatives and that meant Xander couldn’t spend time with William.

 

Another thing Xander hated was making his boyfriend sad. He felt guilty when William tried to hide his disappointment that they wouldn’t see each other for three whole days.

 

There was one thing that he really didn’t hate though, and that was the moment that William phoned him at night.

 

“Hey, baby.”

 

“ _Hey, Xan. I love you_.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“ _Missing me?”_

 

“More than you’ll ever know…”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William thinks about the future

William loved Xander like he’d never loved anyone else. He didn’t like keeping their relationship a secret, but for now, he knew it was a necessary evil. Xander’s dad was a homophobic bastard, and would kill both of them if he found out they were together.

 

When they left for university at the end of summer, they would come out. No more secrets. No more hiding. No more sneaking off to be together. Just a few more months was nothing compared to all the time they would have together later.

 

The rest of their lives. Together forever.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander finds a way to make William more confident.

William was a shy person. He always had been. Although his confidence had increased ten-fold since meeting Xander, there were still moments when he doubted himself. Especially when he was expected to engage in social situations. Ever since he was a kid, he had been teased about anything and everything and that fear still lived on in him.

 

Xander had had an idea, when they were both seventeen, that actually worked well for both of them. Whenever William was nervous before a social event, or presentation in class, Xander would spend some time punishing him. The first time had been the morning before a science class presentation, and Xander had gone to pick William up for school early. He ended up tying the blonde to the bed and spanking his ass until it was a pretty shade of pink.

 

William had got through the presentation easily when he got to class. All he could think about was how good Xander’s hand had felt on his skin and how soon he could have that delicious feeling again. He wondered if there was another way to earn himself such a lovely punishment. He found out that there was. He loved it.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander thinks about the future

Xander liked to think about his future with William. He could see himself aged eighty, on the front porch of a little house, sat in his rocking chair, with William beside him in a matching rocking chair. They’d hold hands, reminiscing about their teenage years and things would be perfect.

 

But for now, he would be happy so long as William was beside him, the robin to his batman, the love of his life, his partner in crime.

 

He was in love with a beautiful, sexy man that made him feel special and loved and wanted.

 

_ I love him _ .   



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander reflects on his life

Snuggled up in bed together, Xander thought that he must have been doing something right in his life to deserve such a great karmic reward. He was so happy. When he was with William, everything in the world was perfect and nothing could spoil what they had.

He had great friends and a great boyfriend and was about to be given a great blow job if the naughty little smile on William’s face was any indication.

He stroked his fingers through William’s hair, untangling the soft blonde curls, and sighed in contentment. Life was good. So amazingly good.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander's 17th birthday

William bought Xander a watch for his seventeenth birthday. It was Xander’s favourite possession, not just because it was expensive and stylish, but because it was from William.

He had spent the night in William’s bed, repeatedly thanking the blonde in his favourite way. They writhed together between the sheets, moaning in pleasure, never taking their hands off each other for a second.

By sunrise, they were both exhausted, sweaty and thoroughly relaxed. It was the best birthday Xander had had, and he couldn’t wait until William’s birthday next month to give him the same experience.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander and William argue

William and Xander didn’t fight often, but when they did, it was bad.

“Why would you even _say_ that?!”

“Because it’s true!”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Hey! Don’t treat me like I’m your enemy just because my opinion is different to yours. We don’t _have_ to agree on everything, y'know?”

“I know that. But you never admit that you’re wrong.”

“I can. You know I can.”

“Why don’t you do that now then?”

“Because I know I’m right this time!”

“How can you honestly think that Kirk is better than Piccard?


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William tells Xander he loves him.

Xander was sucking William’s cock, making delicious little moans escape the blonde’s throat. He had been nervous at first, but when William began praising him, telling him how good it felt, he gained confidence, letting himself enjoy the task.

“Oh, god, Xan! I’m cumming! Xan! Xan! Oh, god, Xan, I love you!”

Xander was so surprised at William’s admission that he forgot what he was doing, and nearly choked on the thick fluid spurting into his mouth.

They hadn’t said ‘love’ before, but Xander loved William. They loved each other. It was an amazing feeling.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys play spin the bottle

They had nearly been caught kissing more than once. Xander found it hard to keep himself from touching and kissing William when they were around other people. He wanted to hold hands, kiss, dance together, and do all the things that couples did. One time they had managed to sneak a public kiss at a party during a game of spin the bottle, and their desire had quickly escalated until the wolf whistles and cheering brought them back to their senses. No one had expected nerdy William to make out with a guy. They hadn’t expected Xander to do that either, but there it was, right before their eyes…

Xander had left early. William left about five minutes after, and they met up at Xander’s car less than a block away.

They drove to a secluded area and let things heat up again until they brought each other to noisy, messy orgasms in their pants. William had begged Xander to stay the night, but both knew things would happen that neither boy was really ready for.

At the drive way to William’s house, they kissed goodnight, and made promises to see each other again the next day.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander’s reaction to kissing William.

For a week after their first kiss, Xander avoided looking at William. They still spent time together, but Xander kept his head down and didn’t make eye contact. He was half afraid of the look of repulsion he was sure would be plastered over his friend’s face, and half afraid that if it wasn’t there, he would give in and they would kiss again.

He had fought his attraction to William for months before things got too much. He had seen William naked in the showers after soccer practise and his world had fallen away at the sight. His cock hardened in his pants and his brain screamed ‘deny it!’

Then he had to do something stupid like kissing the other boy and now nothing could ever be the same. Although he was fairly sure William had kissed him back with equal passion at the time, he knew it didn’t necessarily mean anything. It was just wishful thinking that William would want him in the same way. Nothing would ever be the same.

William’s voice snapped him back to reality.

“Xan? Kiss me again?”

Xander did just that. This time he knew William kissed back.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> William thinks about his first kiss with Xander.

All William could think about was how good kissing Xander had felt. He had known he wasn’t entirely straight for a while, but he never for a second thought that he would be able to share his first kiss with his best friend.

In all honesty, he hadn’t thought he would get to kiss anyone ever, given his geek status and habit of blushing bright red whenever anyone spoke to him.

But kissing Xander… That was a revelation. He wanted to know what it meant for them. Was it love or lust? Could they even still be friends? 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a sleepover and end up kissing.

William was sleeping over Xander’s house. He wasn’t having a particularly good time though. Xander had been acting weird all day.

The room was dark and he couldn’t sleep. 

“Xan? Wanna talk?”

“No.”

“Want me to go home?”

“No.”

William hopped up onto Xander’s bed, the way he had done a hundred times before. In five years of friendship, he had never felt Xander tense up like that. Was their friendship over? Tears sprang to William’s eyes.

He felt Xander’s hand touch his cheek a moment before their lips met in their first kiss.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander meets William.

When Xander met William, they were ten years old. The second Xander laid eyes on the shy, blonde boy stood nervously at the school gates, he knew they would be friends. The first thing out of Xander’s mouth was a star wars quote, and he was impressed that the other boy was able to finish the line. He liked the blonde’s English accent too. It was much cooler than his own American one.

They ate lunch together that day, when all the other kids left the geeky new kid alone. They had so much in common; same favourite foods and TV shows, same favourite games, same hatred of being picked on and a dislike of vegetables. They met up the next day at school and rarely spent more than a day apart. They were the very definition of best friends.

Xander had had no idea that five years down the line, they would be looking at each other in a whole new light. That they would be closer than either of them ever thought.

He had even less of a clue that at eighteen years old, William would be crying beside Xander’s grave. His lover’s grave.


End file.
